I was watching Kubrick’s Full Metal Jacket the other night and a dark thought came over me. I say dark because Kubrick is the Zeus of movie-making and you’re not supposed to fuck with Gods. But as rent-an-inspirational-quote Ghandi used to say: “The truth is the truth even if you are a minority of one”. So at the risk of being chained to a rock and having an eagle gnaw at my bollocks forever, or whatever it is the Gods do to you when they’re pissed, here goes; the film’s crap, folks.
Holy dogshit! My flat’s surrounded by Stanley-groupies and they’re all dressed like Alex from A Clockwork Orange and I think they want to perform a bit of the old ‘ultra-violence’ on me! Hey, back off, this is the democratic UK, not the cinematic Taliban. Can I speak? Thank you. Okay, call me glib, but the reason why I groove over FMJ is simply because of one man: R Lee Ermey. Who? No, you do remember him. Frankly, it maybe all you remember. He’s the Marine Drill Instructor with a unique way of motivating his new recruits, here’s some examples:
“I bet you’re the kind of a guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddam common courtesy to give him a reach-around”
“Did your parents have any children that lived? I bet they’re regret that. You’re so ugly you could be a modern art masterpiece”
“I’m gonna give you three seconds, exactly three fuckin’ seconds, to wipe that stupid lookin’ grin off your face or I will gouge out your eyes balls and skull-fuck you!”
After Lee’s been blasted away by Private Pyle, let’s face it, the film reverts to a bog-standard American Vietnam war movie; kill gooks, feel a little bad, start shooting again.
All you Kubrick-nuts will of course know that Lee was originally a technical advisor on the film, but he was so good as the Instructor Kubrick hired him on the spot. Now that’s what I call common sense, not genius. Sorry, Stanley
O, yes, and another thing…the award for the most pointless voice-over ever in movies goes to…FULL METAL JACKET. I mean, we know they’re in Vietnam and war is hell and blah blah yawn yawn…
And another another thing: have you noticed how Kubrick’s been served by some master stories and storytellers? Anthony Burgess' A Clockwork Orange, Stephen King's The Shining, Arthur C Clark's 2001. Interesting how when it’s a shit story it’s a shit film, no, not even Stanley could rescue Wide Eyes Shut. I mean, how far can you go wrong with stories like the above?
Unlike good ole' Lee, I welcome of course debate on the matter.
Holy dogshit! My flat’s surrounded by Stanley-groupies and they’re all dressed like Alex from A Clockwork Orange and I think they want to perform a bit of the old ‘ultra-violence’ on me! Hey, back off, this is the democratic UK, not the cinematic Taliban. Can I speak? Thank you. Okay, call me glib, but the reason why I groove over FMJ is simply because of one man: R Lee Ermey. Who? No, you do remember him. Frankly, it maybe all you remember. He’s the Marine Drill Instructor with a unique way of motivating his new recruits, here’s some examples:
“I bet you’re the kind of a guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddam common courtesy to give him a reach-around”
“Did your parents have any children that lived? I bet they’re regret that. You’re so ugly you could be a modern art masterpiece”
“I’m gonna give you three seconds, exactly three fuckin’ seconds, to wipe that stupid lookin’ grin off your face or I will gouge out your eyes balls and skull-fuck you!”
After Lee’s been blasted away by Private Pyle, let’s face it, the film reverts to a bog-standard American Vietnam war movie; kill gooks, feel a little bad, start shooting again.
All you Kubrick-nuts will of course know that Lee was originally a technical advisor on the film, but he was so good as the Instructor Kubrick hired him on the spot. Now that’s what I call common sense, not genius. Sorry, Stanley
O, yes, and another thing…the award for the most pointless voice-over ever in movies goes to…FULL METAL JACKET. I mean, we know they’re in Vietnam and war is hell and blah blah yawn yawn…
And another another thing: have you noticed how Kubrick’s been served by some master stories and storytellers? Anthony Burgess' A Clockwork Orange, Stephen King's The Shining, Arthur C Clark's 2001. Interesting how when it’s a shit story it’s a shit film, no, not even Stanley could rescue Wide Eyes Shut. I mean, how far can you go wrong with stories like the above?
Unlike good ole' Lee, I welcome of course debate on the matter.
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